I snapped at my cousin on Thanksgiving :( I was bitch because I couldn't explain what I was feeling at the time. Ever had that feeling? Well, instead of cussing your love one out, tell them your feeling is ineffable. (Don't ask me how to pronounce the word lol) Word of the day = ineffable = the inability to explain a strong feeling. In my defense I was dealing with some shit. I warned her that if I started talking, the dam would break. Well, the dam broke. Instead of tears like I thought, my hot-tempered-ass side came out. (oh boy did she come out) Luckily for me, my cousin left the building and I was able to calm down. I turned off my electronics and allowed myself to feel the emotions. It felt like shit at the time, but in the long run it helped me to understand where the emotions were coming from. Not trying to toot my own horn, but I did damn good job in reflecting and not throwing shit around my room. So, toot toot for me :) I was able to pin point my feelings and mentally jot them down. I then put them in my little brown box in the back of my head and tied a pretty blue bow around it. This allowed me to go about the rest of the day without lashing out, and it gave me notes for the next time I saw my therapist. I was able to take a negative situation and find a silver lining. I still wished I wasn't a bitch to her, but at least something productive came out of it. To sum it up, if you are going through some shit, find a silver lining (if possible) to at least get something fruitful out of the shit.

When everything is going to shit in life, I have a bad habit of dissociating. Note: I will get more into dissociating in another post. However, to sum of dissociating, it feels (at least in my opinion) a big day-dreaming/ step out of reality feeling. Sometimes dissociating is fun. Though when I want to get out of it willingly, that's when its tough to escape the Deja Vu feeling. One way I found out to escape this feeling is by triggering one of my five senses. One of them whether its hear, touch, taste, smell, or see will help me force my brain back into reality. But I gotta be careful because that is when temptation of self-harm comes into play :( That's why today I'll give you tip not even the many (and I mean many lol) therapists I have went to thought of. Waxing. Yes, waxing my legs, armpits, arms, etc. gives me enough of a woahza feeling that I come back to my "normal"/ socially acceptable/ everyday way of thinking. Try it out. Let me know in the comments if waxing helps lol. 

Don't get me wrong. There are probably way worse things in life than depression, but I have the opinion that it's at the top of the list of worse things in life for those who know what a bitch depression can be. The little sucker is mental, physical, emotionally, and financially draining. However, as Dumbledore said once said, "Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light,". This blog might not be your light in the darkness, but my goal is it to be a place to find relatable and attainable knowledge about mental health.