Eighty Foot Wave

I am to the point that I want to blow my money on outlandish ideas. I have no patience for the future to be better. I want right now to be better. Am I selfish? Probably. Why the fuck do I have to wait. I am tired of feeling like a 80 foot wave is about to crash across the beach, and I am there cemented in the middle of it not being able to turn away or breath. What am I to do? I feel helpless, bored, angry and exhausted. Is there hope? I hope so … thus I will continue bc what is life without its ups and downs. Its shitty but at least there is the possibility of things getting better. Maybe . . .